I read an article some time last year about how many young people are using the first marriage to learn how to be successful in their next marriage. The institution of marriage is designed to be permanent. It is the joining together of a man and a woman. The wedding vow is a covenant between the man and woman. In these vows, they covenant to give up their rights over themselves and to place the welfare of the spouse as above their individual desires.

by Dr. Henry Johnson

I was a freshman at Southern Colorado State College in August of 1966. It was my first day on campus. I saw a woman who touched me in places I had not been touched. I saw her and fell in love! She wouldn’t even give me the time of day but I wasn’t about to give up. As the school year moved on, we found ourselves moving in the same circles. One day in the cafeteria, my cousin who was the son of a preacher was messing around. He told us that since our last names were both Johnson he might as well marry us. O. B. did his mock vows and said Henry kiss your bride that was the beginning of the best days of my life. We were officially married on May 20, 1967. I was 18 and she was 20 but age ain’t nothing but a number when you are in love. There were many haters and doubters but we are still married 39 years later and happier than ever. I have to confess that it wasn’t always easy. In fact there were times that we almost didn’t make it. It took the wise counsel of my father at times or her mother at other times to get us through the difficult days. I have to admit that being unsaved didn’t help at all because marriage is of God and is only successful if both parties are within God’s will. I want to share with you about marriage. I am concerned that far too many people don’t take marriage seriously. This is evidenced by the high number of divorces and the number of people who think shacking up is okay.

I read an article some time last year about how many young people are using the first marriage to learn how to be successful in their next marriage. What a tragedy! Marriage is intended to be with one person until death do us part. The institution of marriage is of God. He instituted it when He gave Eve to Adam. This is recorded in Genesis 2:18 25 which says 18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. 21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (KJV)

The institution of marriage is designed to be permanent. It is the joining together of a man and a woman. They become one. The wedding vow is a covenant between the man and woman. In these vows, they covenant to give up their rights over themselves and to place the welfare of the spouse as of more importance than their individual desires. Marriage is intimate. The joining of the man and woman is so intimate that what hurts or damages one affects the other. What nourishes one, nourishes the other. Marriage is powerful. It joins the spirits of two people. The oneness of spirit brings power to the marriage because The Holy Spirit is at work in the marriage. He calls the man and woman to a high level of accountability which gives them the loving and forgiving heart needed in a marriage.

Marriage is a commitment and a covenant. The commitment of marriage requires the man and woman to maintain a shared spirit. They are to love each other as Christ loves the church. Marriage is a shared covenant like the covenant between Christ and the Church. The Apostle Paul gives us some insight to the covenant relationship in the marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:1 4 which says 1 “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” (KJV)

This means the man and woman must consistently think of themselves as permanently joined. The couple should never entertain thoughts which separate them. They should avoid thinking about what might have been if they married someone else. The commitment of marriage also requires the couple to be devoted to each other. This means behaving in a way that considers the feelings of the other person.

Intimacy in marriage is very important. Intimate love is the building block on which the marriage relationship is built. Ephesians 5:31 says “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” This scripture is referring to the intimate nature of the marriage. I must tell you that true intimacy doesn’t occur in the marriage until you both are saved. I was saved on Easter Sunday of 1985. On that very day I began to see my wife differently. It wasn’t about looks or sex but it was about being one together in Christ.

I wanted to hold her in my arms more. I wanted to hold her hand more. I wanted to talk to her more. I just wanted to be with her more and more even if it meant not watching a football game or doing something that used to take me away from home with the fellows. I can say that I love her more and more each day and I hate to think of a day without my wife. I look forward to seeing her each day because she is a part of me.

Two becoming one is a reality in a Christian marriage. I can tell you truthfully that there have been times that I sensed that she needed me to call so I would call. Chris would say I was just thinking that I wish you would call because I needed to talk to you. When she hurts, I hurt. I heard a brother say when momma’s not happy nobody in the house is happy. He of course meant it in a different way than I took it because if Chris is not happy I am not happy because we are one.

According to God’s Word, the man and woman assume their roles to create proper effects in their marriage and family. These roles are clearly defined in Ephesians 5:21 6:4 which says Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Forgive And Forget

Marriage requires the spirit of forgiveness. The human side of us says stupid things. These stupid things are aimed at the one we love but we say them out of anger anyway. If we hurt our spouse we are hurting ourselves so it is important for us to realize that word do hurt and they can destroy relationships. We must seek forgiveness. The person who was hurt must forgive. Our Lord has given us some hard sayings on forgiveness. Matthew 6:14 “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” (KJV)

In the marriage, forgiveness acts as the glue that hold the couple together. When the individual weakness of the man and woman weaken the commitment, forgiveness restores it. Forgiveness requires self sacrifice which means the man or woman must give of themselves as Christ gave himself for us.

Chris and I were married 39 years on May 20th. I don’t think, initially, either one of us thought we would reach 39 years because of the struggles in the early years. We had our share of problems. We still have problems, but we take them to the Lord in prayer. We’ve made the Lord everything in our marriage. He has been faithful in keeping us healthy. He has made our love grow with each passing day. Chris and I have become one. There is nothing that will separate me from Chris except death. Chris, I love you and thank you for being the best friend I could have and the best wife on the planet!

Keeping It Real and Still Falling in Love!

Reverend Dr. Henry Johnson
25 June 2006
doctorj@praisenet.org
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